How to make a thing you don’t know how to make: Part II

Making a thing you don’t know how to make is easy if you keep your expectations low. That’s what I did – and ended up with a bunch of boards that are screwed together in a somewhat organized fashion!

In an earlier post, I shared with you my hopes and dreams for a vertical planter, made from a pallet, to put on my fire escape. Unfortunately, regular pallets are too big for the space, so I had to make my own. Here’s how my vertical planter came together, should you for some reason want to try this yourself:

1. Get boards!
These were super cheap fence panels that came from Lowe’s. They’re actually horrible boards, but they were less than $2 each, so.

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2. Cut the boards
First, set up your sawhorses. If you do not have sawhorses, then you are a normal person. Use two chairs instead. Now saw boards to the size that you want them. Don’t forget to wear your steel-toed flower slippers, for safety.

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3. Put on Arrested Development
Arrange boards. Screw boards together. Do not measure anything. Measuring is for professionals, or people who are not distracted by stair cars, hooks for hands, and magic.

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4. Have your shoddy work inspected
To pass inspection, get an inspector who’s not trained in anything. While the inspector is sniffing, contemplate how awesome it will be when Arrested Development comes back on Netflix. Also compare your workmanship to that of the Bluth family’s construction company.

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5. More boards and screws!
Make it look like this.

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6. Loot a parent’s garage
Borrow a staple gun.

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7. Make the back (so dirt doesn’t fall out of it)
Use the staple gun to attach landscape fabric to the back of the boards. Warning: this will be loud and your neighbors will hate you for it. BANG X1,000.

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8. Congratulations!
Lookit what you did! You should probably take a picture of it and put it on your blog.

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Stay tuned for the next installment, in which I get crap under my fingernails while playing with dirt and flowers and – probably – watching more TV.

How to make a thing you don’t know how to make (with video!)

Editor’s note: So this is an important post in the history of this blog. It’s not just going to be instructional, it’s also going to feature video. What!

Brief forward: I love gardening, I have no space to garden, I will go to great lengths to garden in my limited space.

Do you look at Pinterest? Ever? Yeah, me neither. But I saw this thing on there the other day. It was a project that turned a pallet into a vertical garden.

Example photo:

Pallet garden

Handy, right? After shutting down Pinterest in a blaze of confusion (what the hell is Pinterest? Seriously), I immediately started hunting for pallets so that I could kick out a cool vertical garden on my fire escape.

But then I started looking at pallets and realized that the dimensions were way wrong. A normal pallet would never, ever fit within the space that I have to work with.

So I decided to build my own pallet-thing. From scratch.

It may be a huge mistake to do it this way. I don’t know what I’m doing. Like, at all. But I’m determined to see this through and document the process. Stick with me as I figure out how to finagle a bunch of boards, a handful of screws, and a scroll of landscape fabric.

(Also, I am just learning how to play with video. That’s what this is really about. Let’s be honest.)

A tiny book I’m working on instead of doing my taxes

I have this plan for a little book of stray thoughts, bound together figuratively by theme and physically by string. The book will be meta, because it will be about recording events from the meat world into a digital device, yet the book will never be made electronic. It will only be made in limited edition by my own hands, out of paper and ink and twine. However, you will be able to buy it for some amount of dollars via computer, and I will happily use my hands to put the book in a package and have the USPS deliver it to your door. Or, if you’re local, you can email me and I will deliver it to you myself, hand to hand, this digital book on paper.

This is how we will use the electronic to preserve the analog. This is how will will remember that turning a page takes not just a finger swipe but a flick of the whole wrist. This is how we will remember that we can throw a book across the room and not destroy a hard drive’s worth of data. This is how we will remember what teardrops look like, dribbled and dried in the middle of a page.

Good gay articles from a good gay week

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Thought I’d do a little roundup here of some of the best stories about Supreme Court action from this past week. Have some other ones you love? Please share them in the comments!

On same-sex marriage

“The Supreme Court’s Big Gay-Marriage Week, Explained”
Mother Jones
“The DOMA cases affect couples who are already married under state law. If DOMA is found to be unconstitutional, same-sex married couples across the United States will receive the same treatment as hetero married couples under federal law. But new couples can’t get married in states where same-sex unions are not legal. In the Proposition 8 case, if the Supreme Court takes it on and finds the amendment unconstitutional, the reasoning could be used by courts in other states to legalize gay marriage.”

“The Supreme Court again examines whether all are created equal”
Los Angeles Review of Books
“Whatever the outcome this week, the debate will not end. The call for ‘equality’ will resound in the chambers of courts and halls of legislatures so long as our republic lives, as each generation presses to unlock the full implications of the Declaration’s promise that all — perhaps soon to truly mean ‘all’ — are created equal.”

“What difference will same-sex marriage make?”
Melissa Harris-Perry, The Nation
“Because I suspect the goal of achieving this right is less about the ceremonies, the flowers, the love or even the economic benefits. I suspect the real goal is to achieve a more inclusive recognition of the authentic and enduring ways that we connect ourselves to one another, without needing the words ‘husband,’ ‘wife’ or even ‘spouse.’ The difference we want this movement to make is bigger than that.”

“The Supreme Court Justices on Gay Marriage in their Own Words”
Pew
Interactive infographic

“Gay rights advocates give conservative SCOTUS justices a hard push”
Washington Post, Plum Line blog
“We just saw the case for full equality for gays linked directly to the nation’s other great civil rights struggles before the highest court in the land.”

David Biespiel’s Poetry Wire: Allen Ginsberg’s Howl meets Gay Marriage
The Rumpus
“Ginsberg’s argument is that American industrial violence and cultural intolerance are a cancer at the root of American life and they cause the corrosion of the beatitude of the imagination.”

On Prop 8

What will the Court do with Proposition 8? Today’s oral argument in plain English
SCOTUSblog
“Given the shifting alliances on view at the Court today, and the overall lack of enthusiasm on the part of some Justices for deciding the case on the merits, the Justices’ Conference later this week – at which they will vote on the case – promises to be an interesting one. Will at least five Justices join forces to hold that the proponents lack the right to defend the initiative at all? Will they instead decide that even if the proponents have that right, the time is not right to decide the merits of the case? Or will they go ahead and reach the merits after all?”

Full transcript and audio of Prop 8 oral arguments
Salon

    On DOMA

“Argument recap: DOMA is in trouble
SCOTUSblog
“If the Supreme Court can find its way through a dense procedural thicket, and confront the constitutionality of the federal law that defined marriage as limited to a man and a woman, that law may be gone, after a seventeen-year existence.”

Full transcript and audio of DOMA oral arguments
Salon

Do women count in literature?

My pal M. has a really great book collection – a mix of high literature and weird indie comics, an array of nonfiction and cookbooks for every occasion. I always like checking out which new titles are living on his shelves as well as thumbing through the old ones. He’s generous about lending, too, so that’s an added bonus.

But there’s just one hitch: Hardly any of his books are by ladies. Once I counted two women authors. Two!

This is a problem that extends well beyond M.’s bookcase, so it’s hard to blame him. In fact, a new count by VIDA: Women in Literary Arts demonstrates that women continue to be underrepresented – grossly so, in some cases – by the big book reviewers.

The 2012 count includes data on women authors reviewed compared with men, as well as the gender breakdown of the reviewers themselves. And since VIDA has been at it for three years, patterns have begun to emerge. What’s depressing is that some of the trends are so damned bad.

Harper’s, The Nation, The New York Review of Books, The Paris Review – all reviewed women writers at such a low rate that it’s tempting to find a nearby copy of one of them and throw it across the room (and I would do it, if I weren’t so busy rolling my eyes, Liz-Lemon style).

VIDA did note that some publications have made headway. According to the VIDA blog:

“The Boston Review, with its slightly heavier load of male reviewers, has made a dramatic improvement proportionately of who they review since we began. Threepenny is taking a slow but steady approach with incremental yearly steps up from 29 to 34 to 36.5% women published respectively. Poetry remains the most consistently equitable in its publishing practices, reaching a 45% height of women published in 2012: look to the poets!”

The VIDA count is important (as are others, like Roxanne Gay’s accounting of writers of color). Yet literature isn’t just a numbers game. Writers and readers huddle around the written word to connect, or to tap into something outside of their own experience.

When so many voices are silenced through omission by the big guys, we all lose out. We miss the unique stories – told by writers of every chromosomal composition – that make our world simultaneously bigger and more intimate. Worse, we might miss the stories in which we see ourselves, those works that resonate as we suffer and celebrate, wonder and discover.

The literary industry must do better; I believe this. But there’s another part of this, too.

Those of us who are voracious readers must dig deeper (and, fortunately, this can be pleasurable in its own right) to uncover the many skilled writers whose work does not ever get highlighted in Harper’s. We must continue to take stock of what we’re reading. We must keep looking at our bookshelves.

For a complete look at the VIDA count, check out the charts here.

By Melissa Breazie

New books by ladies!

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Need a book recommendation? Might I recommend to you a book by… a lady? Here are a few books that I just added to my “Books by ladies” page:

Elizabeth Crane, We Only Know So Much
Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking
Pam Houston, Contents May Have Shifted
Caitlin Moran, How to Be a Woman
Michelle Tea (editor), Sister Spit
Lidia Yuknavitch, Dora: A Headcase

Have you read a terrific book by a lady lately? Please mention it in the comments!

OR, if you’re feeling ambitious and like you want to contribute to this blog’s lady-writer canon, jot down a few extra lines about that book. I’d love to expand the list and will give you credit and lots of love.

By Melissa Breazile