Making a thing you don’t know how to make is easy if you keep your expectations low. That’s what I did – and ended up with a bunch of boards that are screwed together in a somewhat organized fashion!
In an earlier post, I shared with you my hopes and dreams for a vertical planter, made from a pallet, to put on my fire escape. Unfortunately, regular pallets are too big for the space, so I had to make my own. Here’s how my vertical planter came together, should you for some reason want to try this yourself:
1. Get boards!
These were super cheap fence panels that came from Lowe’s. They’re actually horrible boards, but they were less than $2 each, so.
2. Cut the boards
First, set up your sawhorses. If you do not have sawhorses, then you are a normal person. Use two chairs instead. Now saw boards to the size that you want them. Don’t forget to wear your steel-toed flower slippers, for safety.
3. Put on Arrested Development
Arrange boards. Screw boards together. Do not measure anything. Measuring is for professionals, or people who are not distracted by stair cars, hooks for hands, and magic.
4. Have your shoddy work inspected
To pass inspection, get an inspector who’s not trained in anything. While the inspector is sniffing, contemplate how awesome it will be when Arrested Development comes back on Netflix. Also compare your workmanship to that of the Bluth family’s construction company.
5. More boards and screws!
Make it look like this.
6. Loot a parent’s garage
Borrow a staple gun.
7. Make the back (so dirt doesn’t fall out of it)
Use the staple gun to attach landscape fabric to the back of the boards. Warning: this will be loud and your neighbors will hate you for it. BANG X1,000.
Lookit what you did! You should probably take a picture of it and put it on your blog.
Stay tuned for the next installment, in which I get crap under my fingernails while playing with dirt and flowers and – probably – watching more TV.